Comparison and Disappointment in Language Learning

#1

Hello everyone!

I want to write this quick post about something that I found to be true for me in my language learning and that I have a feeling many of us have experienced at one point or another.

I have recently been spiraling into a negative place of comparison and self-doubt regarding my language learning. It can be hard to not fall into this kind of thinking, so I am wondering what helps you get out of this kind of negative headspace and how to best avoid it? For me, this has turned into disappointment in what I havenā€™t accomplished and other such feelings that I hope to be able to deal with better as I continue on my language learning journey. I know this topic is a lot more complex than that alone, but I would love to hear any advice or opinions there may be out there on this subject! I hope you are all doing well! :earth_asia:

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#2

Hi Gloria, I know what you meanā€¦ We all have doubts at times, but the key thing is not to let them overpower us. Be kind to yourself. :slight_smile:

With language learning - or learning any other skill - there are so many things involved. It also means getting used to being a bit uncomfortable, out of your comfort zone - in order to grow. :slight_smile: When I feel a bit down, I take a step back and look at the little things I can now do or know that I couldnā€™t do a week or month ago, so I can see the progress I have made ā€“ small progress is still progress!!! :footprints: However, this also means that I regularly have to adjust my expectations and take smaller next steps, and slower, than I would likeā€¦ It is great to be inspired by others, but you have to adjust and apply it to your own individual circumstances. Also, language learning - like most things worthwhile - doesnā€™t happen overnight. It is an investment in your (future) selfā€¦ tomorrow is another day to grow, learn - and that is a good thing! :blush: More concretely, you might have to make your language learning goals smaller and more achievable, and pat your self on the back a bit more often once you have completed even the seemingly smallest steps. :+1: When you feel overwhelmed, try to do the smallest next thing you could do, or even have a little break, and then get back to it. I apologise if this still sounds a bit general and maybe not specific enoughā€¦ Here are a few ā€˜words of wisdomā€™ from other language learners that I found particularly helpful:

Donā€™t be too hard on yourself as a language learner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECxjIEefjE4
Candace Powellā€™s presentation at this conference: https://polyglotconference.com/lecture/framing-your-future-self/
Language goal-setting mistakes - and how to rethink your goal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1zlaohXjMw
Importance of celebrating victories big and small: https://www.lucalampariello.com/language-learning-progress/
SMART goal setting: https://linguapath.com/smart-goals-language-learning/

The key thing to learning one (or more) other languages is to keep going, and not stop, even if it means going slower and slightly different than you would at first expectā€¦

I hope this can be helpful and give you a more positive outlook again, so you can take your next small doable steps and gradually build on those - maybe even with a smile - just see how far you have come already! :grinning: Think of language learning as falling forward, baby steps (even for adults!) - including thousands of learning mistakes (all part of the journey). :baby: :footprints:

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#3

Iā€™ve experienced this too and I imagine most language learners have at some point.

With language learning, feeling discouraged often comes down to not having the time to do everything you want to do, slower progress in some aspects of the language than others and the fact that progress gets harder as you get more advanced - after all, when you know 200 words in a language, learning 200 more doubles your vocabulary but when you know 2000 words, learning the same number of new words only adds 10%.

If youā€™re finding progress slow, be kind to yourself - itā€™s normal once you get past beginner level for language learning to be a series of plateaux and gradual climbs, especially if you have lots of other calls on your time. Any progress is worth making, however small - a tiny step each day or week can add up to quite a lot over a year, and to a massive amount over a lifetime.

If youā€™re concerned that your speaking or writing abilities are lagging way behind your listening and reading abilities (speaking for myself here!), either resolve to concentrate on the former for a while or celebrate the fact that your listening and reading abilities are good by listening to or reading something you really enjoy.

You can also look out for little, unexpected signs of progress. For example, if Iā€™ve learnt a new word, perhaps not sure whether it was worth it because I might hardly ever come across it again, then a few days later I hear it while listening to an audiobook or watching the news and realise I now fully understand a sentence I might have glossed over or wrongly understood before, that makes me smile, and if you listen or read a lot, this happens remarkably often.

Also, try not to focus on your weaknesses (except when working on them positively) - I take part in a weekly Spanish conversation group in the UK and I wish I could speak as fluently as some of the others do, yet some of them have told me they wish their vocabulary and grammar were as extensive as mine, even though I speak more hesitantly. I still think theyā€™re much better overall even if they make a few more mistakes but itā€™s a prime example of us all obsessing about our weaknesses relative to others.

Also, if you find yourself making comparisons with the most accomplished polyglots on here, try not to - theyā€™re the exception not the rule and while they might just work harder than the rest of us, they might also have had more time or opportunities to immerse themselves in a language than you. Iā€™ve found itā€™s far healthier for all concerned if you can just let yourself be happy for them, take inspiration if there are things theyā€™ve done which you could do too, and never let yourself become envious or made to feel inadequate. It helps that most of the top polyglots donā€™t seem to be arrogant people!

Sorry that was so long - I hope thereā€™s something in it that relates to your situation.

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#4

Thank you for putting this into much more eloquent words, Steven. I fully agree. :slight_smile:

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#5

Totally feel you, Gloria! :hugs:

As Ron and Steven have both shared, it happens to the best of us. Another similarity is that we take the time to reflect on our achievements and define small, achievable goals.

If you would like, Iā€™d be more than happy to chat with you about your current challenges and work out some short term goals? No obligations, but here if this would interest you.

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#6

This is such an important thing to think about. Just like anyone, if I compare my language skills to someone else, I feel like Iā€™m failing somehow. On the other hand, the way I keep myself encouraged is to see what Iā€™ve already accomplished. Just a little over three years ago, I really didnā€™t know much about any other languages or cultures and now, I get to experience so much with the new information Iā€™ve learned. And I get to meet people of similar thought. Even the most accomplished of anyone can feel like they are not quite there.
I know it can be difficult when you see others that seem to be so much further along. Just remember that you are on your own learning adventure and youā€™ll level up soon enough. Making time to celebrate the little victories, rather than not ā€œmeasuring upā€ to anyone else, is a great way to feel amazing about what you have accomplished.
Sending some fellow language adventure love your way.

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#7

Hello,
I recently felt like this when I didnā€™t make much progress in learning Sorani Kurdish. I was trying to learn other languages at the same time and my time was being diluted and dissipated too much as I returned to work after lockdown.

I was really struggling despite having lots of encouragement from another learner who lives in another country, but at the age of 77 she really inspired me to continue to learn. But her encouragement wasnā€™t enough as I plunged into a non-learning phase.

Meanwhile I made progress in another language - Mandarin and used this at the Polyglot Conference chat rooms and at work, which was really rewarding, but still I had this horrible feeling of not having learned enough Kurdish.

I gave up learning Kurdish for about three months, and then suddenly the time felt right to continue learning. This time, Iā€™ve decided to stick to one resource - Glossika - and to not try to learn any other languages at the same time. Iā€™ve made a new goal with a time frame. Iā€™m going to learn as much as I can during November.

I think itā€™s important to set yourself a realistic goal and to have a time frame. This helps to make you more focussed. Join groups on facebook or other spaces so you can be constantly encouraged by other learners/teachers. Expose yourself to media, podcasts etc in that language. Stick to one resource for active learning. What else can I say?

I think thereā€™s a lot of this kind of feeling at the moment and I believe that itā€™s something thatā€™s generally in the air. The Corona situation has made people anxious. Even the most balanced and sensible of people are finding things more difficult, and Iā€™ve noticed that a lot of language learners are going through periods of lesser motivation than normal. We have less people to practice with as we are socially distancing, less spontanaietyā€¦

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#8

Thanks, and there I was wishing I could have expressed it as succinctly as you! (oops, weā€™re doing it again, arenā€™t we :rofl:)

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#9

Thank you so much for this response! I think having a chat would be absolutely fantastic :relaxed:

It has been very comforting to know that I am not the only one who experiences this!

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#10

Thank you so much for this Ron!

I appreciate all the kind words and advice that you have to give and it really helps me to see what others are able to do to combat these kinds of emotions that sometimes come with language learning.

I have definitely been trying to remind myself of the things that I have accomplished as often as possible. I will sometimes find myself journaling in French about how poor my French is and how little progress I have made, and not giving myself credit for the fact that I am even trying in the first place. I will definitely be looking at creating some effective goals and the information that you sent below is amazing :smile:

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#11

I think this is definitely something that I can relate to right now! I may need to take a step back and evaluate what I am trying to do, what I want to accomplish, and the time that I am willing and able to make available to get where I want to be with my languages.

This response was really wonderfully put, and I truly appreciate it. I am sure many of us here will be able to take something from it. Thank you! :smiley:

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#12

I know exactly what you mean.
When I got discouraged at University with learning Russian, it was a time where I could not see any progress at all and only got bad grades on test papers etc. Back then, I stopped learning Russian and thought, for a very long time, that Russian just isnā€™t my kind of language. I also havenā€™t continued any other language studies then for some time.

I think I did need that break and back then I was quite content with the English and French levels I still had, used them when I got the chance, but didnā€™t actively practice them.

Much later I started learning Arabic and Spanish, with Arabic I took a few short breaks here and there (and I put Spanish on hold for a very different reason, but it came easy to me thanks to my prior French knowledge) because progress was (and still is) slow with this languageā€¦ But the progress is there and I can see it most of the times :slight_smile:
Whenever I canā€™t see it, I pick up my Harry Potter book in Arabic (which I still canā€™t really read, after 5 years of studying MSA :sweat_smile:) and enjoy every single word I understand and compare them to my mental list of the words I understood last time - thereā€™s ALWAYS some progress to be found there! And if itā€™s just a single word! :slight_smile:
I sometimes do the same with music: listen to a song and enjoy every single word I can understand :slight_smile:

It was only now at this conference, that I rediscovered my interest in Russian and after discovering a very interesting teacher profile on italki by chance, Iā€™ll give it another try nowā€¦ No expectations, no goals, no pressure (no tests! ā€¦ I never enjoyed those anyway and maybe that was part of the problem at university) and Iā€™ll just wait and see where this journey will take me :slight_smile:

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